Ephesians 4:20-32
How Christians Can Communicate
According to EarthSky.org[i], some volcanoes are 1,000 times more powerful than other volcanoes. According to scientists, the last super eruption occurred thousands of years ago at Lake Taupo, New Zealand. Over the last two thousand years, it is believed that the volcano has erupted 28 times with the last major eruption in 232 A.D. . If the name Taupo sounds familiar, that is where our missionaries, the Cravens, serve – at Taupo, New Zealand on the edge of Lake Taupo. According to a study published on June 7, 2021 Taupo is once again an active reservoir with 60 cubic miles of molten rock beneath the giant crater lake. Think about the dangers this represents to that area. But as you think about that danger, think about another danger. James, the Lord’s brother wrote, “Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasts great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindles! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell.” (James 3:5-6)
You and I both know people who have been scalded and scandalized by the speech of others. So the question we are raising today is this: How can we communicate in a manner that really pleases the Lord?
The word “communication” is closely related to the word “community:” it draws on what we have in common. You and I know (and are astonished to admit) that conversations often breed confusion. Why is that? In Ephesians chapter 4, the Apostle Paul gave very practical advice to the members of the church at Ephesus. Today, you and I can draw on that timeless advice to help us communicate more effectively. His counsel is especially helpful for those who are married or contemplating marriage. Paul’s advice helps you to think clearly about problems at home, at work, in your neighborhood and at church. Our text begins and ends with an emphasis on relationships. Without these relationships, rules are just a list of responses that someone requires from someone else. But in a gracious manner, the God of the universe entered into a personal relationship with repentant sinners. He showed us His great grace. And conveying God’s grace is the key for good communication.
For the seed thoughts in this message, I am indebted to the late Dr. Bill Goode.[ii] He was truly a pastor to pastors, and his emphasis on Christians counseling Christians continues to this day.
- Embrace Jesus Christ as the basis for true communication. 4:20-21
But ye have not so learned Christ;if so be that ye have heard Him, and have been taught by Him, as the truth is in Jesus:
In John 14:1-6, Jesus answered important questions for us. If we were going to take a trip, we would ask at least three questions:
Where are we going? In that passage, the answer is “my Father’s house.”
Will be allowed to stay there? Jesus said, “I go to prepare a place for you.”
Third question: How do we get there? For our study today, this is the most significant answer. Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man comes unto the Father, but by me” (John 14:6).
Jesus Christ is the only way, the life-changing truth, and the only real life. Jesus told Pilate, “… Every one that is of the truth hears my voice…” (John 18:37-38). Pilate dismissed that answer with the philosophical question, “What is truth?” One infamous atheist insisted that Pilate’s question was the most important statement in the entire New Testament.[iii] But Paul capitalized on those answers from Jesus when he wrote, “But you have not so learned Christ; if so be that you have heard Him, and have been taught by Him, as the truth is in Jesus”. Truth is that which conforms to reality. Paul’s point was that people who live for their fleshly fantasies are not living in reality. And anyone who has truly come to Christ – learning the way, the truth the life – has heard The Truth and been taught by The Truth. Have you embraced Jesus Christ – the Truth? He plainly said that no one comes to the Father but by Him. Have you embraced Him by mixing your faith with His promises that His living and dying and rising again would grant you access to His Father’s house (Heaven)? This essential relationship is the basis for being able to communicate clearly. He is “The Word” who became flesh (John 1:1-14) and God has spoken to us through His Son (Hebrews 1:1-2). This is how God entered into a relationship with us. And conveying God’s grace is the basis for good communication.
2. Be ready to grow and change. 4:22-24, 28
That ye put off concerning the former conversation [conduct] the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; and be renewed in the spirit of your mind;and that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness…. Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labor, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needs it.
When you hear Him – when you come to the Lord – this begins a process of life-long change. We refer to this doctrine as “progressive sanctification” and we sing about this in such hymns as “Glory to Glory”.[iv] These verses identify three steps for permanent change. Paul states that the Lord teaches these steps to all who come to Him:
a. Put away the conduct and deceitful desires of “the old man” (the person you were before you came to Christ)
b. Be renewed in the spirit of your mind. (Be transformed by renewing your mind, Romans 12:2)
c. Put on the new man, which is created after the likeness of God in righteousness and true holiness
Pick any bad habit and tackle it using these three steps. You can change – permanently – to glorify God. Stop the behavior which dishonors God, use the Scriptures to learn to think differently about the problem, and start practicing behavior which would honor God. You can use Ephesians 4:28 as a test case. If you are stealing (from the Lord, from your parents, from your spouse, from your boss), stop it. Using your Bible, start thinking God’s way. Then honor God by working with your hands and giving to others. In so doing, you turn from being a thief to honoring God, the Giver.
3. Be Honest. 25
Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbor: for we are members one of another.
When you apply these three steps to lying, you can see the process even more clearly. Stop lying; use God’s truth to transform your heart and start speaking truthfully (especially using God’s Truth) within your congregation. Honoring God helps us to be honest with us and convey His great grace.
4. Keep Current. 26-27
Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil.
When we use the English word “fester” we are using a verb which means “to become infected.” If an injury becomes infected, we say it “festers.” So, about problems between people we often say, “Don’t let things fester.” Don’t let them grow worse. In verses 26-27, Paul offers a practical way to do this: don’t let another sunset go down before you deal with your sinful anger. This is one of the great privileges of a true Christian believer. Yes, we will get sinfully angry, but we know how to confess that sin and repent of it (1 John 1:9). So we don’t have to remain in a state of sinful anger. To continue in that state of wicked wrath is to hand the devil an opportunity. Don’t give him that opportunity. When things come up, deal with them; don’t let them fester. We often speak of gaining closure about matters of disagreement. Wouldn’t it be great if you could finally put some issues to rest – especially as they relate to your spouse, your parents, your children, your job or your church?
5. Build, don’t bash. 29
Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
You can see the close connection between these rules and relationships. When you come to Christ, He gives you a new nature (2 Corinthians 5:17). He teaches you how to prosper in life-long change and become a truth-teller. He shows you how to keep current. He changes your very nature so that you begin to build people rather than bash them.
Most of us have experienced a tongue-lashing – a very unpleasant scolding from some angry person. So how should your respond when Mr. Potshot “vents his spleen” (an English idiom meaning to displaying anger). The Scripture gives us a way of escape. Don’t let corrupting talk leave your lips. Yes, it may come to your mind, but don’t let it out of your mouth. When I worked with a number of men who were incredibly vile and vulgar, I found that their words would come to my mind. Early one morning, I burned my hand on a toaster, and the first things I thought of were those vile remarks I had heard in the workplace. I immediately asked the Lord to help me to never let those words come out of my mouth. Make up your mind that you want to build people instead of bash them. There are far too many people out there trying to tear down people, businesses, families and churches. Make up your mind that you only want to minister grace to others, helping them to construct their lives rather than constantly criticizing them. When was the last time you expressed gratitude to someone with grace? When was the last time you gave someone a sincere compliment to tell them that they helped you to better understand Christ?
6. Act, Don’t React. 30-31
And grieve not the Holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:
Here is another great privilege for each believer: you have an experienced advisor present with you at every moment. The Holy Spirit helps you. Like an umpire who cries “fair or foul” to help you decide what to say, the Spirit guides you. And by the Gospel, your ever-present Advisor seals you until the day that the Lord returns for His own. With this kind of help, we can act in a way that pleases the Lord instead of reacting in a sinful manner. With His help, we can put away bitterness, wrath and anger. We can turn away from clamor and evil speaking.
A recent article in our local newspaper described a new university course designed to help students learn to craft societal change with activist chants. They will learn “how to craft words,” and “how to use their diaphragm, so they don’t go hoarse” when protesting.[v] The professor who was interviewed said, “I think there’s a real hunger to solve these problems.”[vi] We agree that people see the need for real solutions. But throughout this passage we have seen that there is a need for a fundamental change of heart. Conveying God’s grace is the basis for good communication. It’s important for believers to act rather than react.
The current protests remind us of the illustration from the Interpreter’s House in John Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress. They offer no real answers, but they stir up a lot of dust. Bunyan wrote:
“Then he took him by the hand and led him into a very large parlor full of dust, as if it had never been swept. The Interpreter called to a man and told him to sweep. The man grabbed a broom and swept and in so doing stirred a thick cloud of dust into the air. The dust grew so dense it almost choked Christian. The Interpreter then spoke to a woman who stood nearby. “Bring some water here and sprinkle the room.” The woman did as she was told and the entire room was easily swept and cleaned. Christian asked, “What does this mean?” The Interpreter answered, “This parlor is the heart of a man who was never sanctified by the sweet grace of the gospel. The dust is his sin and inward corruption which has defiled the whole man. The one who began to sweep at first is the law, but she who brought water and sprinkled it is the gospel. Now while you saw the room fill with the great cloud of dust when first swept, the dust flew about in such a way that the room could not be cleansed and its dust almost choked you. This is to show you that the law, instead of cleansing the heart from sin, does in fact arouse it.” (Bunyan used this illustration to emphasize the Biblical principles from Romans 7:9, 1 Corinthians 15:56, and Romans 5:20.)[vii]
Those of us who know the Lord know that the Gospel of God’s grace is the only real answer for human hearts. Every other solution just stirs up our self-deceptive hearts. Conveying God’s great grace is the basis for good communication.
7. Be what you want others to become. 32
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.
Jesus taught us what is commonly called, “The Golden Rule.” In Matthew 7:12, He taught us that whatever you wish that men would do to you, do also to them; He went on to declare that this is “the Law and the Prophets” (in other words, this is the major thrust of the Old Testament). In essence, He commanded each of us to be what we want others to become. (Most of us could say, “I’m not there yet!” So let’s settle on “Become what you want others to be!”) Paul seemed to have this in mind when he wrote Ephesians 4:32. “Be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven you.” Being kind with a tender heart, and being ready forgive solves so many issues with communication. And verse 32 reads like the other bookend from verses 20-21. This practical instruction is framed within a personal, saving relationship with Jesus Christ. If you and I will not be what we want others to become, then we will become what they are. Instead of helping to solve problems, we will just be part of the problem.
Based on our relationship with Christ, God teaches us to be good ambassadors; He teaches us how to communicate. And conveying God’s great grace is the basis for good communication.
Pastor Gordon Dickson, Calvary Baptist Church, Findlay, Ohio
Rules for Good Communication
Ephesians 4:20-32
- Embrace Jesus Christ as the basis for true communication. 4:20-21
But ye have not so learned Christ;if so be that ye have heard him, and have been taught by him, as the truth is in Jesus:
2. Be ready to grow and change. 4:22-24, 28
That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; and be renewed in the spirit of your mind;and that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness…. Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labor, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needs it.
3. Be Honest. 25
Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbor: for we are members one of another.
4. Keep Current. 26-27
Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil.
5. Build, don’t bash. 29
Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
6. Act, Don’t React. 30-31
And grieve not the Holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:
7. Be what you want others to become. 32
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.
[i] Kelly Kizer Whitt and Deborah Byrd, “Taupo Volcano Needs Monitoring, Scientists Say” EarthSky, June 22, 2021, accessed at https://earthsky.org/earth/taupo-supervolcano-needs-monitoring/
[ii] See https://blogs.faithlafayette.org/counseling/2017/08/a-tribute-to-pastor-william-goode-1930-1997-how-bill-goode-was-a-pastor-to-pastors/
[iii] See the quote from Friedrich Nietzsche in “How Could I Know the Bible Is True?” accessed at https://www.cbcfindlay.org/how-could-i-know-the-bible-is-true/
[iv] Glory to Glory, a hymn based on 2 Corinthians 3:18, accessed at https://www.cbcfindlay.org/from-glory-to-glory/
[v] Sarah Arthurs, “New ONU class teaches students to craft change,” The Findlay Courier, June 22, 2021 accessed at https://thecourier.com/news/327503/new-onu-class-teaches-students-to-craft-change/
[vi] Ibid.
[vii] Bunyan, John. Pilgrim’s Progress (Illustrated): Updated, Modern English. More than 100 Illustrations. (Bunyan Updated Classics) (pp. 29-30). Aneko Press. Kindle Edition.